you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
