I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize