i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I want a musical about memes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
