some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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