wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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