I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
