good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
