You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
