I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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