If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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