Can i not drive my cunt home
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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