I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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