sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
