dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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