roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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