If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
