My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
