She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
