it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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