So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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