you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
