You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
