On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize