So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
