I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
