Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
