I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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