I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
