my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
