I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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