When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
me + whiskey = a bad person
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize