First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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