Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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