i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
