While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
