now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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