I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
