Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
