Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
