dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
