I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
