I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
