Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
