She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
