so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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