I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
