it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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