U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
not ubering you a puppy
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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