I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
