I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
