One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm determined to sit on that face.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
