i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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