Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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