All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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