If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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