i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
