and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
