evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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