We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
