is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
