just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
