I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
