Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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