so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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