Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
try to milk me bitch
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