Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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