i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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