I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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