I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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