The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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