when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
