oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
