woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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