I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
