i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
