i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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