Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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