Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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