After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize